Fissionable Materials
by MarlaMatson
Summary: Sheldon learns that there are consequences to defying his parents (and committing inadvertent treason) Warning: Contains spanking of a child. If that bothers you, please don't read.
1. Prologue

"Well, the only problem was he had no - what you call - fissionable materials. Anyway, when he went on the Internets to get some, a man from the government came by and sat him down - real gentle - and told him it's against the law to have yellowcake uranium in a shed."

~Mary Cooper, Sheldon's mom

"You know, it's a tad old-school, but my father was not one to spare the rod when my brother would sneak into his truck and drink his driving whiskey."

~Sheldon Cooper


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

To most residents of East Texas, January 1st was a day for spending time with your loved ones while watching college football. For Sheldon Cooper, New Year's Day was a sign that winter break was almost over. And the end of winter break brought the start of science fair season, the most wonderful time of the year. Sheldon had taken first prize at the county science fair since he was old enough to enter. He would have started winning before then if the judging committee had been willing to bend the rules and let a 4 year old compete. Sadly, the judges in this podunk town were a bit small minded. But no matter, Sheldon, at age 9, was well out of pre-school and ready to defend his title for the fifth straight year. All he needed was the perfect project.

He thought about continuing the conditioning research he'd started with Missy that fall, but he knew that, despite its potential benefits, psychology was a pseudoscience at best. No, he needed something truly exceptional. He thought about the concepts he'd been studying with Dr. Sturgis. He could write an impressive paper proving one of his personal theoretical physics hypotheses, but that kind of brilliance might fly over the heads of his fellow contestants (and the judges for that matter). No, Sheldon needed to do something that looked impressive as impressive as it was, so impressive that even Georgie would take notice.

While watching tv that night, Sheldon got his answer. After a few tense minutes of seat negotiation with Missy (which Sheldon lost), he managed to catch a few minutes of a documentary about the 3 Mile Island disaster before his father changed the channel to sports. "That's it," Sheldon thought, "I'll build my own nuclear reactor. How hard could it be? If scientists in Pennsylvania could make one what worked (at least for a little while); I'm sure I'll have no trouble."


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next morning, Sheldon announced his intentions to his mother over breakfast.

"Mother?" Sheldon asked politely.

"Yes, Shelly?" Mary answered. Her attention split between the task before her, frying a pan of bacon, and her youngest son.

"I've decided on my project for this year's science fair."

"Oh, sweetie, that's wonderful! That thing you made with those colorful lasers last year was such a bit hit!"

_Don't remind me_, thought Sheldon. Last year's laser project had looked impressive, but it had been so easy to construct that Sheldon felt a bit guilty claiming the top prize. Any child can play with lasers, where was the challenge?

"I've moved on from lasers," Sheldon began, "I've decided to focus on isolating a radioactive isotope to create an energy generating chain reaction."

"That sounds nice, sweetheart," said Sheldon's mother as her focused returned to the pan of bacon she was frying up for the family.

"Are you going to become the Incredible Hulk?" asked Georgie who had just sat down at the table, looking as unkempt as always.

"What on earth are you talking about?" asked Sheldon.

"I heard you talk about messing with radiation. Bruce Banner did that, and that's how he became the hulk. I saw it on tv. Is that your project? If so, can I do it too? I want to be the hulk. That would be awesome!" And with that pronouncement, Georgie downed his glass of orange juice in one gulp and let out a loud belch.

Sheldon put his head in his hand. _Honestly_, he thought, _how am I related to these people_?

"No, Georgie, I am not going to turn into the Incredible Hulk. First of all, the Incredible Hulk doesn't exist. Second, exposure to uranium 235 does not give someone super strength when angry nor does it cause them to turn green. If a scientist were ever to be exposed to that particular radioactive isotope, he could suffer 2nd or even 3rd degree burns and develop cancerous tumors at the site of the exposure."

"Oh, never mind then." said Georgie, who turned unceremoniously back to his corn flakes.

While Georgie may have lost interest in Sheldon's project, the mention of burns and cancer caught Mary Cooper's attention.

"Sheldon, exactly what kind of project are you planning to do?" Mary asked.

Sheldon sighed, he should have known he'd need to be more explicit with his mother.

"I'm planning to build a nuclear reactor. It will harness the energy created by the chain reaction caused by colliding two atoms of uranium 235. A small nuclear reactor could generate enough energy to power our entire town."

"Oh, honey, no. That doesn't sound safe. You're going to need to pick something else." Mary said authoritatively as she turned back to the bacon.

"Mother, no, this project is perfect. I'll take first place at the science fair for sure." Sheldon insisted.

"The subject is not open for debate, Sheldon Lee Cooper, I am telling you plainly, you may not build a nuclear reactor. End of discussion." As she spoke these words, she gave her son a fierce, don't you dare cross me, sort of look.

"But.." Sheldon began.

"Listen to your mother," his father said as he entered the kitchen. He'd only heard the tail end of their conversation, but he was sure he'd agree with whatever Mary had decreed.

Sheldon sat back in his chair, arms folded across his chest, and silently pouted. _I'll show them_, he thought. He'd win the science fair and build something so powerful that his family and all of their neighbors would never have to pay for electricity again. He'd be hailed as a hero. Who were his parents to stand in the way of true heroism?


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sheldon's science fair project began in earnest that very day. After getting off the school bus, he headed straight for the library. There he checked out every available book on nuclear energy. Over the next two weeks, he used his lunch hour to read each volume from cover to cover. He needed to know everything about nuclear reactors if he was going to build one successfully. Once he had developed a working knowledge of the device, he needed to draw up a blueprint. The reactors he'd read about were large enough to fill massive warehouse structures, and his needed to be small enough to fit in his backyard shed. Tan actually volunteered to help with this stage. His older friend had some drafting skills and was quite scientifically minded (when he wasn't wasting Sheldon's time talking about girls).

With Tan's help, Sheldon had a blueprint for a reactor that would fit perfectly in his shed by the end of the month. Next, Sheldon needed to collect all the necessary materials. As Sheldon's project hadn't been approved by his parents (or the school for that matter), he didn't have money for supplies. Therefore, he'd need to make his reactor out of items he could find around town. He knew finding the scrap metal wouldn't be too difficult as there were plenty of junk yards in town. However, Sheldon couldn't bring himself to enter one or touch anything inside. So, for this part of the project, Sheldon planned to enlist Missy.

One afternoon in early February, Sheldon found Missy sitting on the couch in front of the tv watching cartoons.

"Missy?" Sheldon asked after carefully sitting down next to Missy.

"What, Sheldon?" Missy said a note of frustration in her voice.

"I require your assistance." Sheldon insisted.

"Huh?" Missy replied confusedly.

"I need your help with my science fair project." Sheldon stated.

"Oh, no thanks, I wanna watch _Stawberry Shortcake,_" Missy said dismissively, turning her attention back to the tv.

"What if I made it worth your while?" Sheldon countered.

"Huh?" Missy mumbled, eyes still fixed on the tv screen.

"I am willing to give you something in exchange for helping me," Sheldon offered.

"Like what?" Missy asked, eyes turning slightly towards Sheldon again.

"What do you want?" Sheldon asked.

Missy pondered this query for a moment.

"A new cabbage patch doll," she answered finally.

"But those are expensive!" Sheldon protested.

"My time is valuable, now stop talking. I can't hear the tv." And with that Missy turned her attention, once again, to the cartoon she had been watching.

_Fine_, Sheldon thought, _I suppose_ _I'll have to get my hands on a cabbage patch doll_. With that, he hopped off the couch and headed back to their room. He needed to strategize. Sheldon didn't have much money saved up, and what little money he did have had been earmarked for another purchase. So how could he earn enough to buy that doll? Sheldon's foray into the working world last fall hadn't been a positive experience. Not everyone is cut out to be a paperboy. So, what could he do to make money? Then, it hit him. All he needed to do was use his head. Half the kids in his class were idiots, he should offer to tutor them. The next morning, Sheldon posted a sign on the school notice board offering his services for a reasonable fee. The response from his classmates was overwhelming. These teenagers must have been dumber than he thought. Before he knew it, he'd earned enough to buy Missy her doll. In fact, the very next week, he found himself back in the living room, this time armed with the necessary bribe.

"Missy?" Sheldon asked.

"What?" Missy replied in an exasperated tone.

"I have a cabbage patch doll for you." Sheldon declared.

"No way!" Missy shouted with glee. She turned away from the tv and made grabby hands at Sheldon. "Hand it over!"

"Not until you've helped me with my project." Sheldon said.

"Uh, fine!" Missy sighed. "What do you need?"

Sheldon thought she'd never ask.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

With Missy doing all the grunt work, pulling the family's radio flyer wagon from junkyard to junkyard all over town collecting scrap metal, Sheldon had everything he needed in just a few days time. Once Missy had pulled the last wagon load of metal into the shed, Sheldon handed over the doll. He was, of course, a man of his word. (or, well, at least a boy of his word) He spent the next couple of days hauled up in the shed meticulously cleaning each piece of metal so it was safe for him to touch. In fact, it took longer to clean the metal than it had to collect it. Once that task was finally completed, he set his sights on the next step in his plan. He needed to obtain the fissionable material needed to set off the chain reaction. Now, where exactly did one acquire uranium 235?

Sheldon didn't know. He figured it wasn't the sort of thing they'd sell at the local hardware store. In fact, he doubted that any store in town would carry it. No, he needed to spread a wider net, and to do that, he'd need to go onto the internet. Luckily, that afternoon was the perfect time to begin his quest. When he got home from school, he found that his mother was still working over at the church, his father and Georgie were at basketball practice, and Missy was in the living room watching a rerun of the _Love Boat_. So Sheldon sat down at the computer and began to search. He checked science-themed chat rooms and websites, hoping to locate the uranium he needed. When that proved unsuccessful, he tried searching chat rooms for people looking for hard to find items. If uranium 235 wasn't hard to find, he didn't know what was. Finally, after about an hour fruitless searching, he had a breakthrough. He typed the phrase, "radioactive isotope for nuclear reactor for sale" into his search bar. In no time, he found himself chatting with a man named Sergei who lived in the USSR and worked as a janitor at a nuclear power plant. How lucky! And, would you believe it, Sergei didn't even want money for the uranium! All he seemed to want was a little information about where Sheldon lived.

"You live in United States?" Sergei asked.

"Yes, I live in the United States. East Texas to be more precise."

"This is near Houston, home of NASA, no?"

"Yes, my town is approximately 102.1 miles from Houston. Why do you ask?"

"How often you visit Houston?"

How rude, Sheldon thought, he didn't answer my question.

"I go into the city twice a week with my MeeMaw to attend a class at the university."

"This is good. I must return to work. We talk more tomorrow?"

"Absolutely, I'll need to know how much uranium you can spare, and we'll need to discuss shipping."

"Da."

Sheldon knew that this was Russian for yes. _Excellent_, Sheldon thought. _This man may be a bit rude, but he's being most accommodating. At this rate, I'll have my uranium by the end of the month. I just hope it doesn't get stuck at customs._

What Sheldon did not know is that he wasn't conversing with Sergei the Soviet janitor, but instead, with Randy Jennings, the FBI agent. Sheldon's search terms "radioactive isotope" "purchase" "nuclear reactor" and "uranium 235" had triggered alerts on the FBI's anti-espionage system. While the agent kept Sheldon talking, his partner, Gerald, tracked Sheldon's IP address. The agents reported their findings to their direct supervisor and made plans to travel to East Texas the next day to interrogate Sheldon Cooper.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next day was a Friday about halfway through the month of February. Over breakfast, Sheldon mused over the progress he'd made on his project thus far. He'd done his research, had a blueprint drawn up, collected the building materials, and he was well on his way to obtaining the uranium 235 he'd need to power his reactor. He wondered how long it would take to ship a package from the USSR and just how he'd go about concealing such a package from his mother. Oh, well, he was a genius, he was sure he'd think of something.

That school day began like any other. Sheldon and Georgie caught the bus to the high school and sat in their usual places. Sheldon up front behind the driver and Georgie way in the back, as far from his younger brother as he could get. Missy caught the bus to the elementary school just a few minutes later. She'd spent the past week showing off her new doll to all of her jealous friends, and this Friday morning's bus ride was no different. George Sr. had left for work early that morning. In addition to coaching junior varsity basketball that semester, he'd been asked to teach sections of both PE and Health so his work days were especially busy. He thought it best to get an early start. Mary headed up to the church after Missy caught the bus. She spent her morning helping the pastor clear out some old files. She convinced him that it wasn't necessary to keep stacks of lists of preferred meals for shut-ins who had, as she put it, gone home to be with Jesus.

Mary arrived home at around 1pm and was just sitting down to her lunch when there was a knock on the front door. She opened the door to find two men in suits wearing sunglasses and holding briefcases standing on her porch.

"Is this the Cooper residence?" Asked the first man, the taller of the two.

"Yes, sir, may I help you?" Mary asked nervously. These men were dressed awfully formally to be encyclopedia salesmen. But, then, who else would be going around the neighborhood knocking on doors at this time of day?

"What is the nature of your relationship to Sheldon Lee Cooper?" Asked the same man as before. He seemed to be one in charge as he was doing all the talking.

"I'm his mother!" Mary exclaimed. "I'm sorry, what, exactly, is this about?"

"May we come in, ma'am?" The first man asked in a brusque but polite manner.

"Well, I suppose, but I really must insist that you tell me what y'all are doing here." Mary said as she reluctantly stepped aside to let them inside.

Mary led the two men into the living room. Once they were seated on the couch, Mary pulled a chair over so she could sit across from them. The taller man placed his briefcase on the coffee table, opened it, and removed a manila folder full of documents. He took several of the documents from the folder and placed them on the table so Mary could see them. After giving her a few minutes to read over the documents, the agent removed his sunglasses, and looked Mary square in the face.

"Mrs. Cooper, my name is Randall Jennings and this is my partner Gerald Smith." He gestured at the shorter man sitting next to him. "We are with the FBI."

"The FBI?" Mary asked with a tone of confusion.

"Yes, ma'am, we are here to speak with your son Sheldon. As you can see from these documents here. Sheldon was trying to purchase a large amount of a radioactive isotope called uranium 235 on the internet yesterday. Your son believed he was speaking with a soviet citizen interested in stealing uranium from his job and selling it to him. But actually, he was speaking with me, posing as a Soviet."

"Oh my Lord!" Mary said in a shocked voice.

"You see, Sheldon used several search terms that are of interest to our department. It is, of course, illegal for United States' citizens to purchase radioactive isotopes like uranium 235 for private use, and whenever someone tries to do so, their motives are rarely above board. In our line of work, we often come across folks trying to build then own bombs."

"Dear sweet baby Jesus!" Mary cried out. She was starting to lose her composure. She stood up and started pacing around the room. These men thought her Shelly was some kind of terrorist. Where they going to take him away from her?

"Now, we understand that Sheldon is in high school so we don't suspect he's secretly a Russian spy. How old is he, 16? 17?" Agent Jennings quickly added in a good-natured tone.

"He's 9 years old!" Mary exclaimed while starting to tear up.

"Oh, well, that does change things a bit. We thought we might be dealing with an angry teenager with an axe to grind. We've come across a fair few of those over the years, haven't we Gerald?" Gerald grunted his assent. "But, a 9 year old? That is a first! Mrs. Cooper, do you have any idea why your son is trying to get his hands on radioactive material?"

It took Mary a few moments to compose herself. Words and phrases were swirling around in her head. _Uranium, Soviet, Treason, Radioactive_. That last word brought her out of her daze because she'd heard it not so long ago in her kitchen. She made her way back to her chair and had a seat. Then she took a few calming breaths and began to answer the agent's question.

"Unfortunately, Agent Jennings, I believe I do. You see, my son Sheldon is competing in the county science fair in April, and he's got it in his head that he's going to build a nuclear reactor. I told him no, of course, but, well…"

Mary proceeded to give the agents a bit of background about Sheldon's rather stubborn nature and his well above average intelligence. As the agents listened, the picture in their heads of the perpetrator began to change. They weren't looking for an angry teen looking to stick it to Uncle Sam but rather a stubborn boy genius hell-bent on winning a local science fair.


End file.
